At my first antenatal appointment, my midwife asked me where I would like to give birth: at home or in hospital. Up until that point I hadn’t seriously considered having a baby at home, and I told the midwife that I was convinced that I would once again end up being induced at 42 weeks so I wouldn’t have any choice but to give birth in hospital. She said, though, that I could book a home birth to begin with, then if circumstances or a change of heart meant going into hospital, there would be no problem. What wouldn’t be possible, however, would be to plan for a hospital birth and then change my mind later. Well, after an unsatisfactory – to say the least – experience in hospital the first time round, I jumped at the chance of a home birth. I had only ever heard good things about home birth experiences, and the idea appealed to my inner hippie. What’s more, I was something of an ideal candidate: second birth, ground floor flat (i.e. easy transfer to hospital if necessary), address literally next door to the hospital and, as time went on, an uncomplicated pregnancy.
I actually feel that much of my ante-natal care was better as a result of my decision to opt for a home birth. Not only did I see the same midwife at virtually every appointment (in stark contrast to my first pregnancy, where it seemed to be a different face every time), I was also visited at home on a couple of occasions, making life much easier, especially bearing in mind that I had a toddler in tow by this point. There was one moment at about 34 weeks when the possibility of a home birth suddenly swung the other way towards a c-section as my baby was breech, but happily baby turned a week later following some bizarre alternative medicine and some gymnastics from yours truly. I hired a birthing pool, and it sat in my hall in a box for a month as the last weeks of pregnancy ticked by.
My midwife was determined that I would get my home birth. She believes in it and it also looks good for the maternity department if they can show that they really do give women the choice to give birth at home. She told me that she would have me referred for complementary therapies to bring on labour the moment I went over 40 weeks (something which had only become available at my hospital a few months after the birth of my first child) as I remained sure that I would be induced in hospital at 42 weeks, just like I was with my first child and my mother was with all three of her children. Not only that, she gave me a membrane sweep at 40 weeks, something normally given at 41.
Having been induced the first time round, I hadn’t experienced the natural onset of labour and, due to representations of labour and birth in the media, I rather thought it would take me by surprise. Not so. On giving me my sweep on my due date, my midwife informed me that I was 1 cm dilated and that she could feel the baby’s head. She said that she thought it would be very unlikely that I would be induced. A few days later, I went for my complementary therapies (massage, acupressure and aromatherapy – no idea if it works but it was very pleasant all the same!) and was given another sweep – by this time I was apparently 2cm dilated and 2cm effaced. The ‘show’ appeared later that evening so I cancelled my weekend plans as it was clear labour was imminent.
I’d been having odd contractions here and there for a few weeks, in fact, which was another clue that things would progress naturally this time. So when my contractions started at 1.00am Monday morning it was nice to know that it was now the real thing! My false ones had been strong enough to wake me at night too, but with all the other signs (not to mention the fact that I was a week overdue) I knew that baby was on the way. I had read all the advice about getting as much sleep as possible between contractions but I was far too excited to sleep! Not only that, the birth pool would require a good 90 minutes to inflate and fill so the advice was to get it ready at the start of labour, rather than wait until it was actually needed. My sister had arrived from the USA the previous day and was asleep on the sofa so I prodded her awake and set her and my husband onto inflating and filling the birth pool while I paced the room during contractions. We put ‘Back to the Future’ on and the next couple of hours flew by. Contractions got closer together but never really settled into a pattern. Nevertheless, I phoned (and woke) my midwife at about 4.30am as I was a little nervous about the baby suddenly coming and her having no idea that I even was in labour – particularly as this was my second labour (second ones being typically shorter than the first) and my first labour had only been 14 hours.
Well, I certainly jumped the gun on that one. 24 hours went by, during which contractions stopped and started, I got in and out of that sodding pool, my mum and foster brother dropped by for lunch, everyone managed a nap, we watched ‘The Wedding Singer’, ‘Blues Brothers’, ‘Austin Powers’ and documentaries about silent films and Burt Bacharach, Papa John’s pizza was eaten whilst leaning out of the pool, and my patience grew thinner and my energy stores shrank. I had a walk around the block to start things off again and not one but two midwives came and went – twice each. For about an hour early Tuesday morning I was kneeling over the sofa, a pillow under my head and knees, and a hot water bottle balanced on my back, asleep between contractions.
My 23 month old was desperate to join me for a paddle in the pool! The water was quite deep – and pretty murky by now – so he just leant over and dipped his fingers in. Although he was a bit worried by the sight of me hurting, just his very presence acted as mild pain relief for me. I think seeing him and touching him must have released endorphins or something. More consciously, he gave me something to focus on during contractions: I was able to tell myself, “that’s why you’re doing this; to get another one of those,” which made contractions seem shorter and more manageable. Things started to progress again in the small hours of Tuesday morning. Contractions grew closer together and my pain relief was augmented with the addition of portable Entonox canisters (surely one of science’s greatest inventions).
I was getting really fed up by this point. I’d been swindled! The second labour is meant to be shorter than the first! I really wanted someone else to take over for a bit, just so I could have a rest! I’d happily have taken up the reins again after an hour or so. Still the hours passed, but by dawn the midwives had unpacked their gear and contractions were getting stronger and more frequent. My husband and sister kept a note of the time of each contraction and over the course of the entire labour I had over 200. Yeah, ouch indeed.
The only bad aspect of giving birth in water was that I kept having to stand up to have the baby’s heart rate monitored as obviously the portable heart rate monitor can’t go in the water. So this meant standing up between literally every contraction. I did refuse once or twice. Having said that, sinking back down into the water was brilliant every time. I can’t explain just how good that felt. So I guess it evened out. Mind you, the relaxing effect of the water could quite possibly be what kept causing the labour to slow and stop, so I’m rather ambivalent towards it now.
At 8.30am Tuesday, after over 31 hours of labour, I decided I’d had enough of this, and it was time to start pushing that baby out. Apparently I wasn’t quite fully effaced yet, but the midwives said to just listen to my body and if it was telling me to push, then go ahead. My forewaters had broken but not my hindwaters (the pool was like a swamp by now) and with about three pushes of what felt like a bowling ball, the head was out, and had a cowl (membranes) over it. I have never put that much effort into a single moment before (even my first child was a ventouse delivery) and I felt myself tear in two places. It was a delicious and satisfying pain, though, like the scratching of an insect bite. The midwives flipped the membranes off the baby’s head and with one more push my enormous second child joined the family. My second stage had lasted just one minute.
Desperate to know the sex, I helped the midwife scoop the baby out of the water and immediately my eyes went between the legs. A second boy. As with my first child, I had seen the nappy area before his face! When I did look at his face, I did a double-take. He was like a clone of my first baby! They were so alike. “I’ve done it again!” I said to myself. I introduced Jack to the family and midwives and held him close to me in the water. He’d had almost as tough a time as I had and was a bit pale and floppy, but a few cuddles soon sorted him out. My mother missed the birth by about 15 minutes but arrived before we left the water. Jack was taken off to be weighed (9lb – “It’s a big one!” came the cry from the other room) and I stumbled, shaking, out of the pool. I asked for an injection to speed up the delivery of the placenta but was told that with a second birth the afterpains were likely to be very strong. It took a while, but eventually I squatted over an old washing-up bowl (I wonder what they’d have used if we hadn’t had one?) and delivered the placenta naturally. Apparently this too was a big one!
I lay back on my sofa to have my stitches done. Four lots of local anaesthetic were administered but not all of them took, and I screamed as I felt that needle go through me. I’m convinced that I made more of a fuss during my stitches than actual childbirth but witnesses disagree! The midwife also informed me that I had the wrong colour hair as it was the same colour as her thread and she couldn’t see what she was doing! Jack was returned to me at this point and lay down in the crook of my arm. He seemed to be rooting for a feed and I was keen to establish feeding quickly as I’d had trouble getting it off the ground with my first child and even had to give him some formula for the first few days. Jack knew exactly what to do though, and even though I was lying on my back, he squirmed around to find the milk. Once again, a midwife passed comment on a feature of my anatomy: “Look at those nipples,” she said, “they’re perfect!” Apparently I have ideal breastfeeding nipples, which was news to me, since I’d initially had such trouble first time round. So that was an interesting assessment of my body: big placenta, wrong colour pubic hair, perfect nipples. Excellent.
Jack scored nine on his Apgar at five minutes – not 10 as he never let out a big, lusty cry. At the midwives’ visit two days later we were still waiting for it! As I write this he is 8 months old and has been such a relaxed, easy-going little chap. I’m convinced that a large part of this is due to his entry into the world. He was born into his home, a place where I was relaxed and comfortable, his family were all there and we all spent his first night together in our room, with no staff or other families to distract us. If asked, I always say that that was the best aspect of a home birth. The contrast between the normal, restful surroundings of my own bedroom – lights out when I chose, my family within reach – and the traumatic, crowded, noisy and alien environment of the hospital could not be starker.
Predictably, I’m a real advocate for home birth now. Western hospitals are brilliant for saving the day when things go wrong, or might go wrong, but for a normal birth you can’t do better than staying at home. I never once felt I wasn’t in control (again, hugely contrasting with my first, hospital birth). What’s more, when I took Jack for his postnatal check a few days later, a doctor told me that the risk of infection at home is practically zero. I think people worry about cleaning up the mess of a home birth, but really, one’s partner, family and midwives can take care of all that! Anyway, you’re having a baby, you need to get used to massive amounts of mess, dirt and bodily fluids. I wouldn’t force anyone to stay at home to give birth if they really felt happier in hospital, but I do think women should make an informed choice. We all know a fair bit about hospital experiences but until you’ve researched home birth as well, how informed can you really say your choice is? If you’re reading this and considering your birth options, do look into home birth as, if you are able to give it a go, you’ll regard it as one of the best decisions and experiences of your life. I certainly do.
I was 15 days late and really sick of people asking if I was going to get induced so I decided to take things into my own hands by having a long walk, spicy food, raspberry leaf tea and then sitting on my gym ball whilst watching “My fair lady” and bouncing in the hope something would happen….. and it did!!!
I went to bed at 1 am ish, went to lay down there was a gush and my waters broke, I was so grateful at that point that my partner had fitted the en-suite and I didn’t have to run downstairs as it would have gone everywhere…luckily most went into the toilet!! At this point I rang Viv but it was a little early, or so I thought, so she said to call when things had progressed a little more.
I then went for a bath and it filled with all this green liquid, which made me panic a little as I had heard all this stuff about the meconium so Andrew called Viv and she decided to come and check, this is when the whole thing starts to get a bit confused for me as the contractions started and as a coping mechanism I went very quiet (unlike my usual self!!) and internalised the pain so I could concentrate on the breathing I had practised, almost daily with a Yoga exercise CD. A lot of pushing started on the loo and eventually moved to the birthing pool and my contractions were coming pretty quickly, enough to make me think it wouldn’t be long before I’d be in the 2nd stage…..how very wrong I was!!!
I was in the pool for ages and Viv and Andrew and eventually Mirijn, when she arrived later were an amazing support, I really felt like I needed to hold on to someone and not feel completely alone with the pain – I had no idea, and I suppose no one does until your there how unbelievable this pain was, I just know it closed down my communication with the outside world, except for squeezing a hand, shoulder – whatever I could grab of someone else. Viv and Mirijin kept topping up the pool with hot water as I was in there for ages, thinking things were progressing but now I know they weren’t really, so Viv suggested that I go back to the bathroom and again, it all blurs into one as I was in and out that bathroom, lounge and bedroom. I can’t remember how many times I was in each or when…
I did find all sorts of ways of breathing through contraction by leaning on the piano, radiator, sitting on the edge of the bath, using the shower as pain relief from the waist down. Viv smiled at me and gave me such encouragement, even when I was tired she brought me pillows and I went to sleep, mid contractions whilst sitting on the loo!!! The hours were passing and it must have been late afternoon of the next day when Viv concluded that I was only 5cm, I was quite confused by this as I think I thought to start pushing but I still had another 5cm to go! It was at this point that Viv and Mirijin suggested I come into the lounge and Andrew help me do some squats whilst supporting me from a chair, it was a little like doing my yoga class once again, but I had envisioned an Active birth and here it was! I never wanted to eat during all this time but I did have the lucozade glucose sweets and little sips of water, I couldn’t actually face anything else. I also used the TENS machine and wasn’t sure it was doing any good until it was removed, as I got it wet and then I realised how much good it was doing and asked for it to be put back on ASAP.
It was then approaching early eve and I had started to push but was finding it really hard one of the main things being that I was utterly exhausted, it was around this point that I asked for a couple of paracetamol. All I remember thinking is “I wish I was one of the midwifes or Andrew drinking tea and feeling normal and not going through this pain!” But I was determined for a home birth as I had planned and in my mind thought of it as a super marathon that I was going to finish! I was flagging though and Viv said that things had slowed down and that they needed them to progress or I may have to consider a transfer to hospital, which I really didn’t want but at the same time I did want an end to the pain and also to remember why I was doing all of this – to have a baby!!
I asked if I could have a rest and so I went upstairs, walking sideward’s up the stairs as the head was fairly low down. However when I got upstairs I decided to go for another round of pushes and Viv and Mirijin suggested some more interesting positions in order to give more space in the pelvis and get that babies head moving down, unfortunately it wasn’t happening and again it was suggested that because my 2nd stage was now approaching it’s 5/6th hour that I should consider the hospital and an assisted delivery, but I really didn’t want to go, I dreaded not being with the people that had helped me so far and the bright lights, clinical atmosphere! I was so lucky that Ted’s heartbeat remained strong throughout or I would have been at hospital sooner!
After this attempt things were still not progressing, where I got the energy from to continue I will never know! I then decided that I did want a little sleep and so me and Andrew got into our bed and I prayed, Andrew told me he did too and being religious and spiritual I really believed that someone helped me as I have no idea after 24 hours how else I could have done it…… Whilst I was lying down my body started to have contractions of its own, without me forcing or controlling them, they started to increase and Mirijin, who had sat on the stairs listening to me as I slept would come in and see what was going on, sooth me with kind words and then cover me again and go back to the stairs when the contraction had finished.
After about 10 mins the contractions came thick and fast and so I decided before the hospital route was seriously considered I would try again, Viv came upstairs at this point and both midwifes then guided me once again through different positions with results finally happening, the head was moving down and I could feel it! I did some more squats, pushes on the toilet, squats with Mirijin and Andrew holding me up from the side of the bed and when I saw Viv setting up the birthing equipment I felt that this is it, it’s happening!! It gave me the encouragement I needed and my body then pushed out the top of the head. Wow, the crowning part as far as pain goes is beyond it all!! I was put into the Roberts position and out came the TED! He was a little stressed from the time it took and did need a bit of resuscitation, not much and there he was a beautiful baby boy weighting 8lbs 13 ounces……… It was so nice to be at home and if it wasn’t for the amazing support and belief I had from Viv , Mirijin and Andrew I would never have been able to do this and I would have been so disappointed as I had set my heart on a natural birth with no stitches and that’s what I got!!!
I never thought about after the birth as I was so worried about the birth itself which lasted 25 hours but dealing with some of the challenges in the weeks after was the real test and thank goodness Viv and Mirijin were there to help me. Breastfeeding I think was one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced, it was so painful, in the early days and once the babymoon period had worn off and I wondered why I was putting myself through something that hurt so much, but both of them were there to support me and show new ways of doing it and generally offering comforting words, encouragement and positivity about it without being pushy. I really didn’t feel very well in those first few weeks after the birth but because of the relationship I had with both Viv and Mirjin I turned to them as the experts because they helped me achieve the natural birth I wanted. Therefore I trusted them both with all the aftercare and my goodness was it needed, I couldn’t walk for a week I’d tired myself so much with all the different squats and positions I was in during labour!!!
I actually have to remind myself what a fantastic achievement the whole experience was as not many women manage to have a natural birth first time round and avoid stitches and then still manage to continue breastfeeding as I am now, over two months later, (Visiting the baby clinic the other day and meeting other mums was proof of this and many of them said that they unfortunately were not shown the correct way of feeding or given the choice of how the birth would take place). So paying to have Viv and Mirijin as my midwifes was worth every penny!!!
Bruce’s Birth Story
Bruce Henry Mayer born 24/5/11
It was my due date and I’d spent most of the day feeling drained, very heavy and a little ratty (although I’d spent most this pregnancy moody anyway!)
At around 5.50pm I felt strange and as I had been having the odd bout of contractions over the previous 2 weeks I was sure this was what happening again. I had also had constipation and I thought that this was what was bringing more contraction pains. So I didn’t actually realise I was in labour! It was only when I noticed that the pains were coming at regular intervals which made me look at the Internet to see if they were really contractions. I was getting one every 3/4 mins or so. I called to Andrew to tell him, he didn’t believe me as I’d been saying this for a few weeks now….
Ted our 2 year old was running around whilst Andrew did the bedtime routine, I called to Andrew to put Ted to bed as he was wanting to climb on me! After an hour or so of lying on the sofa I decided to call one of my Midwifes and let them know the situation, although I was still sceptical that I was actually in labour. Andy (midwife) did ask if she should come round and I said no worries just now, I’ll call if they continue. They did start to come on much stronger and I was managing the pain in the bathroom, although I was worried as Andrew was putting Ted to bed, which can sometimes take ages! And that meant I was alone downstairs in the bathroom. So I text both Midwifes and asked if they could come ASAP.
When Andy called back I couldn’t really speak so she said she would be on her way. By this time Andrew was downstairs and started to do his usual manic clean and tidy, this time out of nervousness and knowing the contractions were real this time! I managed the contractions which were getting stronger by pushing on the sink and breathing. The difference between the contractions this time, from my last labour was that I had managed to not break my waters so far and that I also had a break between them to have a breather…. As they became stronger this obviously changed and I moved from the bathroom to the kitchen, pushing on the kitchen top each time I had a contraction. Andy and Andrew helped by massaging the bottom of my back, Andy remarked on how she could feel the babies head pressing through the lower back, a definite sign that he was on his way downwards! Andy also suggested I have a hot water bottle tied round my lower waist to help with the pain – this was a good idea, I now had help with the pain on both sides. I was keen to get in the pool but also didn’t want to do so until I was sure I was fairly dilated. Andy estimated I was between 5/6 cm and so we decided the pool would be ok. Andrew filled it ( took him a while!!) Mirjin my other midwife arrived and I got into the pool. At first it seemed more painful with the transition from standing through the pain to kneeling. But after a few mins of Andy/Mirjin pouring water on my back and Andrew sitting next to the pool and holding my hand, me squeezing his arms, probably putting my nails through his skin, I was managing, although it was all becoming so much quicker now with almost no breaks between contractions..
I started to panic that I wouldn’t be able to cope and that the baby was going to be too big! The Midwives reassured me that all was going well and I could do it. I kept saying that I was scared, I’m not sure if this was transition but I really doubted myself, especially since my first baby was possibly delivered with slight shoulder dystocia. It is a little debatable if Ted had this as the Midwifes managed to deliver him within 1 minute by using the McRoberts manoeuvre, so he wasn’t actually stuck for very long. Back to Bruce’s birth, things were going well but very fast, no breaks between contractions now and I had the urge to bear down and push. It was painful but hey it’s supposed to be!
Although if anyone passing by had an epidural or the like I would have whipped it out of their hands and stuck it in my back… I asked for gas and air, this definitely took the edge off the pain. Andrew my partner had always wanted to try it so I let him, he thinks he could have become addicted. I was aware however that although it was great for taking the edge off the pain, but that had I inhaled too much I would possibly have lost my concentration and breathing technique. So I tried to only use it on the height of the contractions. Andrew, Andy and Mirjin were so encouraging if it wasn’t for their help I wouldn’t have naturally had the confidence in myself. My waters broke with a pop which everyone was fairly excited by it!
I actually thought the baby had popped out! Andy fished the Amniotic sac out of the pool on a stick, which I looked at with one eye open between contractions. Everything happened very fast now, I had to concentrate and work hard, it took every bit of life I had in me… The babies head was making his way down at an adequate speed, which was good, I could feel him kicking and wriggling out! The Midwifes helped me to breath out the head, in fact the whole room was breathing together with short little breaths to ease out the head, shoulders (hurray!) and then his body, he slightly stuck at his hips, not shoulders! But Andy eased him out easily with her hands and asked me to stand to meet my little baby Bruce. Andrew had to rush upstairs to see to Ted, who awoke just before Bruce came. Mirijn had to call him down as not to miss it… He came just in time and then Ted woke again so we brought him down to meet his brother at 1.30 am.
I sat on the sofa with baby Bruce, who felt quite heavy and waited for the placenta to be delivered. Ted said “wow” when he met his brother and was fairly stunned! The placenta didn’t take long – phew!! I was having a good old moan about it, only as I had the injection last time and wasn’t that keen on waiting this time! After it was delivered I started to feel quite high, no stitches! Yipee!!! And a perfect birth, I was so happy… We all had some pink sparkly to celebrate and then talked about birth and the complications you can experience in hospital and the procedures which can be avoided. Why can’t everyone have the birth they want? Andy and Mirijn cleaned up and left at about 3.30ish whilst myself and Andrew felt so lucky to be looking at our lovely new son and to have had the birth we wanted. Being at home is so lovely. He weighed 9 pounds 9 oz.
The next few days were blissful too with a lovely placid baby boy, with red hair….. A big surprise and as we’d already chosen the name Bruce, it was just perfect. We had visitors, flowers, cards and warched Ted adjusting to his brother, maybe a little erratically but better than expected. Breastfeeding was so much easier than before, although there was some pain for a couple of weeks. Then after stomach cramp pains were quite painful but with some paracetmol they eased off.
In reflection, as it’s now 5 weeks after Bruce was born we are so happy once again with our experience and massively in love with him, he’s so gorgeous and calm and we really put it down to his wonderful delivery and the amazing care we received, which was worth every single penny!!!
