I loved being a full-time Mom, but I knew that it could not last forever. Not only would I go insane spending my days with a baby and the occasional playgroup, but the bank balance was also going to need replenishing.

Being able to spend the time at home with my son at that stage of his life was special and our bond is the strongest that it could be as a result. The biggest challenge in returning to work is how I can nurture that bond, so it continues to grow after we are separated for that work time.

This was a source of constant worry for me. I had no idea how he would cope. How would I cope? Putting on a brave face for him might wear me down over time.

Now that some time has passed there is definitely some light at the end of the tunnel. It was not always easy, and I still miss him like crazy every day! But it was the best thing for him and I hope my experience can also help others who may be in that darker place I was not too long ago.

The Impact of Day Care

The hardest part of this process was finding a place at daycare for him, and then managing that transition. We were able to start him off on two days a week before I did finally return to work. These were tough days.

The look on his face when he realised that I was leaving him there, and the cries of desperation to get to me. It was one of the most heart-breaking things that I have ever had to go through.

On top of this, he started getting very sick. I panicked about this early on but have since been told by almost everyone that this is normal and will probably continue for another 12 months…. Great! No sleep for Mommy.

It was difficult not to question whether I was doing the right thing or not. Perhaps this was a bad idea and I should just leave things as they were? Was it really worth the stress, pain, and lost sleep? He can’t be a baby forever, and I have to work to make a living. So really, I had no choice but to power on.

Thankfully things did start to turn around. In hindsight, it has been one of the best things for him and the growth in his confidence has been amazing. He also tries to talk nonstop now, and we often spend our walk home talking about the day just gone – well he tries to anyway.

Now I am faced with a different sight in the morning. He now runs in the door to see his friends and grab his favourite toy. Some days he doesn’t even look back. Now my worry has turned from him feeling a sense of abandonment, to being reminded that he will need me less and less as he gets older. I guess there is always something to worry about as a Mom.

Another side of this is that he also seems happier at home now. Like he is trying to make the most of the time we spend together because he knows that it is not every day now. He has a new kind of glow and playfulness… and he definitely knows when it is the weekend and we can sleep longer and have a day out. But more on this in a moment.

Breastfeeding

My Son recently turned two years old and I still feed him. Where I live, this is certainly not the norm and I do get some very surprised reactions when it comes up in conversations. But the fact is that it is still good for him, and he loves it.

He also eats like crazy! So, it is not necessary for his nutrition, but it remains a comfort for him. After being separated all day our routine is the same every day. We get home, collapse on the couch and he feeds for 15-30 minutes. Sometimes he will fall asleep and I can get on with the evening chores, other days he recharges and its off again.

This is one of my favourite times of the day. Taking this period of quiet time to reconnect and bond, while he gets a rest and top up of energy. If we didn’t do this I am not sure what we would do in its place. But I guess I will have to figure that part out soon enough when I do start to wean him off.

For now, I just enjoy the moments we have… Even though he does come home a bit smelly and I just want to get him in the bath!

He does have trouble sleeping at day care sometimes because he often just dozes off while breastfeeding in the evenings. So I also have to pump occasionally so that I can send him with a small bottle of milk just in case. If he doesn’t sleep he comes home exhausted and will sleep straight away and all the way through to the next morning.

Weekend Magic

My Son just knows when it is not a work day. He bounces out of bed and has an extra sparkle in his eye. Now that we have limited time I am determined to make sure the time we do have is quality time.

This requires some discipline during the week so I can stay on top of all the smaller daily chores, so I can keep the weekends as wide open as possible. It would be easy let the laundry and dishes pile up after a long work day. But if I did, half my Saturday would be gone taking care of this, and my energy with it.

Making the most of this time is the key to ensuring our bond flourishes. We can choose our own path and go exploring. There are so many places in my city that I have not been to since I myself was a child and it is a lot of fun getting reacquainted with these places and letting my Son wander and learn about his surroundings.

Some days we will head to the beach for a swim, others we go the other direction up into the mountains for a hike. Some days we will just go to a new park and he will chase the birds and feed the ducks.

For me, this is where the magic happens in parenting. The look on your child’s face when they see anything for the first time is a mixture of cute, funny, curiosity and shock. There are a lot of firsts for them, but they will run out. So, I want to be there for as many of them as possible.

During the week our relationship is on maintenance mode. Yes, we have our moments, but we spend most of our time apart. So, budgeting your time and aligning your activities with when your child is at their best will ensure that you both grow closer together.

Achieving Balance

At first, I was working five days a week and the strain was just too much. My new employer has been kind enough to let me reduce this to four days, with one of those days working from home.

I feel so lucky to have found this as an option and I now feel that we are in a routine that is sustainable, and a happy balance for both my Son and me. We would have adjusted to the five days, but it was just beyond that point where I could say that was in his best interest.

I don’t want to say that it is not, because there are a lot of people out there where five days in day care is necessary. My hat goes off to you because it is a hard slog and I know you do it for your family.

But if you can, the extra time with your child can raise your level of happiness across all areas of your life. At the end of the day, my Son’s happiness is what matters most and I feel that I have found the right balance to give him the happiest child hood I can.

Guest post contributed by Giselle May – the Chief Editor at katherinerosman.com

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