How to build on your child’s strengths and increase their self-confidence – Mindscreen Review – Part 4

*This post and the proceeding/subsequent posts in the series are sponsored by Mindscreen – an online mental health and wellbeing tool which guides children towards higher self-esteem, at home or in the classroom.*

In Part 1 of our Mindscreen Self-Esteem Series, I talked about how to spot the signs of low self-esteem in your child by using an online tool called Mindscreen. If you haven’t done so before, please read the following articles in the series first:

• Part 1 – How to spot the signs of low self-esteem in your child
• Part 2 – Lesson 1 – Why self-awareness is important to build your child’s self-esteem
• Part 3 – Lesson 2 – How to encourage your child to build positive beliefs and build confidence

In this article, we deep dive into Lesson 3, easyConfidence, which provides your child with the opportunity to explore their own strengths and talents and build their self-confidence.

Before you start

Please note – you need to purchase the Mindscreen Experience to access these lesson plans. Follow the link below to get 10% off your Mindscreen Package now.

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In Part 2, I go through the general structure of the lessons, so please check out how it all works here.

What do we mean by self-confidence?

When you are self-confident you don’t have any doubts about your ability or knowledge to do something. You are certain you can manage any situation by yourself. You have self-confidence in the following areas:

• Character strengths
• Literacy strengths
• Social strengths
• Emotional strengths
• Academic strengths

What is the aim of this lesson?

To help your child:

• Discover how their confidence levels are displayed through their body language
• To provide your child with a simple technique to help them present a confident image
• To help your child investigate why it’s useful to know about personal strengths and weaknesses

My invisible rope

I got straight into the lesson which was about helping your child learn how their confidence level is displayed through their body language. The idea is to learn to recognise the difference in posture when they are low in confidence versus when they are full of confidence.

If their shoulders are slumped, it shows they have a lack of confidence, if their shoulders are pulled back and the child stands up tall, it shows they have confidence.

I asked the boys to stand.

“Can you show me what lack of confidence or unhappiness looks like, please?”

“Ok, say I want to calculate 31 x 31. Ah, I can’t do this it’s too hard! That is lack of confidence,” Aidan (8) said.

“Ok, great, but can you show me with your body?”

Aidan slumps his shoulders and bows his head. Aron does the same.

“Well done! Now can you show me what self-confidence and happiness look like, please?”

“I can do this, I am ready for it!”

Aidan stands up really tall and pulls his shoulders back.

“Fantastic! Can you tell me what the differences were between the two postures, please?”

“Confidence is when you’re up! You’re ready to do it, and you’re not scared,” Aron (9) said.

 “So unconfidence is where you can do it but you don’t think you can, and you don’t give yourself a happy mindset,” Aidan said.

“What about with your body language and not words? Do you know what I mean by body language?”

The boys shook their heads.

“Ok, it means you’re talking with your body rather than your words.”

I showed Aidan an example of me crossing my arms and frowning.

“What am I showing you right now?”

“You’re angry.”

“Exactly. You see? You read my body as angry. My body spoke to you. If I’m doing this, what does it show you?”

 I slumped my shoulders and bowed my head.

“Not confident.”

“And what about this?”

I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my head high.

“Very confident.”

“You see? Did you see the difference in my body language?”

“Yeah, so I should be like this,” Aidan said and pulled his shoulders back and stood up very straight, head lifted up high.

“Just by showing someone your body language, you can change the way they look at you.”

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The invisible rope trick

“I want to show you a trick. I want you to imagine there’s an invisible rope attached to your chest and there is some invisible force that is pulling it up.”

“I know this. It pulls you up when you’re confident and pulls you down when you’re not confident,” Aron said, smiling.

I demonstrated what I meant.

“If you’re feeling low in confidence, you’re worried, nervous or upset. I want you to think about that invisible rope. Because the way you change your body language will change the way you think.”

“Say you’re passing a group of big boys and you’re nervous and worried. Walking past with the rope up will show you’re confident, right?”

Aidan started talking about bullying and went into a demonstration but I didn’t understand what he was talking about.

I asked the boys to turn to their Learner Diaries and answer the question:

“Think of something you achieved recently and think about how succeeding in this activity gave you a confidence boost.”

“Maths test at school,” Aron replied.

“Well done, Aron. How did this maths test help you boost your confidence?”

“It gave me a confidential feeling.”

“Confidential means private.”

“Oh, a confident feeling.”

Aidan wrote, “I tried to work out 31 x 31 and I thought I didn’t know but then I got confident and I knew the answer.”

Aron wrote, “The maths test at school. It gave me a confident feeling because it looked hard, I felt confident. It felt bedazzling when I finished and passed the test.”

“Well done boys.”

I wanted to show the boys that what their strengths are and what they are good at will help them feel good about themselves. But it’s important that they know what their weaknesses are too, so they can avoid them or, even better, improve on them as well.

I asked the boys to open their Learner Diaries again and brainstorm two questions, by writing their thoughts into their diaries:

• It’s good to know about my weaknesses because…

• It’s good to know about my strengths because…

Aron wrote, “If you could learn them you can then improve them.”

“I could carry them on and improve them even more.”

Aidan wrote, “It’s a good thing if I get on with my weaknesses. Wrong mistakes are actually better than the real answer because you at least tried instead of showing off.”

“Because I can do what I can do and I can do and be positive because I can do it.”

I asked the boys if they understood why being confident is the key to success. It makes them feel like they can do it, but if they know what their weaknesses are they can use these weaknesses to improve on them.

“Can you tell me one positive reason why it’s important to know about your weaknesses?”

“So you can avoid them in the first place,” Aron said.

“Instead of avoiding them what could you do?”

“You could learn?” Aron continued.

“You could stop running in circles?”

“What about practising and improving on your weaknesses?”

“Because if you make mistakes you can make it better,” Aidan said.

“Knowing other people who may be strong where you may have that weakness, teaming up with them will help you be better too, right?” I continued.

“What if there is a bully and the bully tries to bully someone but doesn’t know how to spell bully?” Aidan said.

“Imagine if a 15-year-old teaches a 3-year-old but can’t spell bully himself,” Aron said.

“Why is he telling a 3-year-old if he can’t even spell bully?” Aidan shrugged.

“Ok, let’s continue.”

“We become what we think about. So that’s why it’s really important to develop positive thoughts about yourself because, boys, you become what you think. So if you have positive thoughts that you will do well, you will do well.”

“What do you think will happen if we have positive thoughts about ourselves?”

“It might go too far and it will stop,” Aron said.

“What about if you have a positive thought about how funny you are?”

“I’m not funny,” Aron said.

“If you said to yourself, ‘I’m funny, I’m going to make people laugh today,’ what do you think will happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“You will make people laugh!”

I reiterated to the boys that we become what we think about.

Positive statements about me

I asked the boys to open their Mindscreen Experience profile to the “About Me” section and tick all the statements they strongly agreed with.

“Why did you sign up with Mindscreen?” Aron asked.

“Because I wanted to learn more about you. What makes you tick. What makes you sad.”

“Do you know more about us now?” Aidan asked.

“I do and it helps me to plan the way I teach you things, so we don’t get upset or frustrated with each other.”

“You teach it really well,” Aron continued.

“Ah, thank you!”

These boys!

Aidan ticked:

Sometimes I resist advice from others because it threatens my desire to control my own future.

I prefer limited supervision, therefore, I like to be left to get on with the job.

I like to be in control of my own destiny and choose my own way in life.

I can be very determined and respect powerful, strong-minded people.

I may get my own way more often if I learn to be less demanding and dominant.

Even if I am young, I think I am capable of making up my own mind about things that affect me.

I play to win. If I have to take a risk to win, I usually will take that risk.

Some people see me as very direct and to the point. I generally like to say what is on my mind, then take action.

Some people see me as direct and demanding. I am just showing my determination and drive to succeed.

When confronted, expect me to stand my ground. In other words, I will not back down when my point of view is different from someone else’s.

I respect people who stand their ground.

Do not ask me to take part in the decision making process if you have already made up your mind.

I asked Aidan why he picked the statements above.

“Because I like being alone and I do my work independently and normally In Year 4 we do it independently, we don’t do pairs very much.”

“I always focus.”

Aron ticked:

I like to have an opportunity to experiment and try new things each day.

I am usually very challenging and consider “my way” to be the best way.

When involved in a disagreement, I am motivated to win.

I sometimes have big visions that seem extreme to other people.

When confronted, expect me to stand my ground. In other words, I will not back down when my point of view is different from someone else’s.

Sometimes I say things just to change the conversation towards something more interesting for me.

I like it when people congratulate me and tell me how important I am and how well I have done.

I respect winners and those who achieve great things.

At times, I get bored when dealing with repetitive or routine activities. I like to try new things.

I like to work and socialise with people who want things done quickly.

I like the attention that comes with success.

When I win, I like to be acknowledged and be seen as the champion.

I like to talk about what I have achieved and about my ambition for the future.

Aron declined to comment on why he chose the above statements.

I asked the boys to look at the statements they ticked and to now underline three statements they thought were the most positive ones and which gave them the biggest confidence.

Aidan selected:

1. I love adventure and to explore new places
2. Even if I am young, I think I am capable of making up my own mind about things that affect me.
3. I respect people who stand their ground.

I asked Aidan why these three statements felt the most positive to him.

“If people are strong I will respect them always. Like a few of my friends make me feel happy because they can back me up when I’m getting bullied.”

“Ok, are you getting bullied at the minute?”

“No, but if I did they will be helpful.”

“The second one because I am happy because I love going to the woods, I can ride the bike, I can make a den out of sticks,” Aidan continued.

Aron selected:

1. I am usually very challenging and consider “my way” to be the best way.
2. I respect winners who achieve great things.
3. I like new and challenging activities.

I asked Aron why he selected these statements.

“Because I always want to find the answer, I like to keep my mind busy and I like to work on really hard things because it keeps my mind busy.”

I then asked the boys to go to their Learner Diaries and write two positive statements that made them feel the most confident.

Aidan wrote – “I love adventure and to explore new places” and “I respect people who stand their ground.”

Aron wrote – “I am usually very challenging and consider ‘my way’ to be the best way.” and “I respect winners who achieve great things.”

I then asked the boys to write down how these positive statements about them would help to build their self-confidence.

Aidan wrote – “I can become more of an explorer and I can be better with my kindness.”

Aron wrote – “So, I would be more confident by thinking about positive things and I can catch myself using them and plan my activities around my strengths.”

I reiterated to the boys so it hit home that their body language shows other people their level of confidence and it is very important to present a confident image. I also advised that knowing what their strengths were and catching themselves using those strengths can help them achieve success, which can ultimately help boost their self-confidence.

“Do you understand that?”

“I’m going to catch myself exploring, respecting people, and then think, ‘that’s great, I’m doing it!'” Aidan responded.

“That’s great, Aidan! We are all different and we all have different strengths – and these statements you’ve picked are your unique strengths.”

How did we get on with Lesson 3, easyConfidence?

Aidan really took charge of this lesson while Aron sat back a bit more and listened. I could see that being self-confident resonated with Aidan a lot because he has this natural tendency to want to be the best and that comes from a great sense of self-belief, which we learned all about in Lesson 2. I enjoyed this lesson because I learned a lot about the boys’ strengths. I was less surprised about Aron’s strengths because he has always been one to take charge and lead the conversation, but pleasantly surprised that Aidan took the reins for once and showed me that he was indeed made of really strong stuff too!

How long was the lesson supposed to be?

30-40 minutes

How long it took us

90 minutes but we engaged a lot in discussion and I deep dived into their unique statements in the About Me section because I wanted to learn more about my babies and what made them tick.

What did I want the boys to learn in this lesson?

I wanted the boys to understand how important body language is and how it can show people their level of confidence. I also wanted them to learn more about themselves by looking at their positive statements and showing how the skills and qualities they have can be played to their strengths. Aidan really engaged this segment of the lesson and was eager to learn about what else he was good at, while Aron seemed to know about himself anyway and paid less attention.

What did I learn from this lesson?

I learned that from reading my kids’ About Me statements, how to describe your child’s strengths and weaknesses is actually very important. Aron is going into Year 6 next year so we’re focusing on getting him ready for the 11+ exams, so it’s important to ask questions like:

1. What are your child’s strengths in school?
2. What are your child’s strengths academically?
3. What are some emotional strengths of a child?

I also learned something which I didn’t expect to learn as a parent. Motivational based parenting, i.e. spinning negative statements into positive ones, for example, “You aren’t good at that,” becomes, “Your strengths are in subject X,” or “Don’t do that,” becomes, “If you do that, this will happen.” I noticed that being armed with these kinds of skills can really change the way your child thinks too, i.e. they become more positive with themselves which builds on their confidence because we’re not bringing them down all the time with passing negative statements.

And what’s the best way to determine your strengths and weaknesses as a parent? Taking the Mindscreen Experience yourself and comparing your own strengths and weaknesses with your child! Also, finding out what motivates your child can help to work towards them building their confidence through their unique strengths.

What’s next?

In Lesson 4 we will be talking about easySkills, which is a great transition from easyConfidence as it will help your child to better understand their unique skills and how they can use them. We are going to build a personal “bank” of skills they “know” they have and learn how to utilise them to pick career choices that will make them happier in the long run.

Click here to read Part 5 now!

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