How to deal with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy
During pregnancy, it sometimes feels like you’ve signed up as a round-the-clock baby caterer. Finding time for yourself can seem nearly impossible between the morning sickness, mood swings, and preparing for your new arrival. Add an unsupportive partner into the mix, and it feels like you’re fighting an uphill battle. But here’s the thing: sharing the load during pregnancy is not only doable, it’s essential for your mental health and overall family welfare.
Whether you’re dealing with a partner who’s overwhelmed, distant, or simply clueless, there are ways to cope and even bring them on board. Because trust me, you deserve the support, and it’s vital for a healthy relationship. Let’s dive into how to deal with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy.
1. Establish open communication
Why it matters: Whether your partner is distant or just not as hands-on as you’d like, open communication is the first step toward maintaining your emotional health. Pregnancy is already a time full of emotional changes and physical symptoms, and having a partner who is a good listener and provides practical support can make all the difference. Without it, unresolved issues can lead to feelings of emotional distress.
How to do it: Set aside time for a proper chat. Lay your cards on the table—discuss how you’re feeling, what you’re finding hard, and what you need from them. This conversation is essential for a healthy pregnancy and ensures that you both understand each other’s emotional needs. It’s also a great way to prevent future hurtful comments or miscommunications. Getting these conversations out of the way early prevents any build-up of resentment or confusion as you both adjust to new roles.
2. Create a feeding system that includes your partner
Why it matters: Sharing the load of duties is crucial for both you and your partner. Whether you’re planning to breastfeed or use formula, allowing your partner to step in creates time for you to relax and focus on yourself. It’s also an excellent way to reduce the emotional distress that can come from doing it all alone, especially during the first trimester, when the physical and hormonal changes are most challenging.
How to do it: If you’re planning to breastfeed, pumping can allow your partner to grab a good baby milk bottle and step in during night feeds or when you need to take some “me time.” This is important not only for your mental health but also for your partner’s connection with the baby. Remember, shared baby care builds strong emotional bonds, creating a healthier family dynamic.
Tip: Shared feeding time is a good idea because it will help your partner connect with your baby and give you a well-deserved break to focus on your own emotional needs.
3. Lean on technology
Why it matters: These days, technology can help you keep track of all those little things, like feeding schedules and baby’s naps. Using baby tracking apps can reduce stress by keeping both you and your partner on the same page, especially during those tough times when sleep is scarce.
How to do it: When the time comes, sync baby apps with your partner’s phone, so you both know who’s doing what, whether it’s nappy changes, feeds, or tracking emotional milestones like your baby’s first smile. It helps avoid repeating tasks and ensures that you’re sharing responsibilities equally, which is a sign of a healthy relationship. Plus, these tools allow you both to stay organised, which is crucial for new parents.
Tip: Using technology to streamline baby care can not only prepare you for your baby but also get him involved in pre-baby preparations and improve your family welfare by reducing the mental load on both parents.
4. Utilise your support network
Why it matters: If your partner isn’t stepping up or you feel overwhelmed, it’s vital to lean on your broader support network—family, friends, or even a single-parent group. Mental health can take a hit when you’re trying to do everything on your own. Your support network can help lighten the load, offering practical support during challenging times like the first trimester or after baby’s arrival.
How to do it: Don’t be afraid to ask family members or close friends for help, whether it’s bringing over dinner or helping with pre-baby care, so you can attend antenatal courses or prenatal appointments. It’s all about teamwork, and relying on your support network is key to maintaining a healthy relationship and your emotional well-being.
Tip: If you’re struggling with a selfish or unsupportive partner, having a trusted friend or family member to talk to can provide emotional support and help you regain your strength.
5. Be assertive
Why it matters: Your needs during pregnancy are just as important as your baby’s. If you’re not getting the support you really need, don’t be afraid to speak up. Sometimes, partners don’t realise what’s needed unless it’s made clear to them. This can be especially true if they’re going through their own emotional changes or feeling overwhelmed by the weight of new responsibilities.
How to do it: Ask for specific help. Maybe it’s attending antenatal classes with you, helping with household chores, or simply providing more emotional support as you deal with morning sickness or mood swings. By clearly outlining what you need, you prevent future misunderstandings and ensure that your mental health is prioritised.
Tip: Assertiveness in communicating your needs is crucial, especially if you’re dealing with an unsupportive partner who might not be aware of the emotional impact their behaviour is having on you.
6. Schedule regular check-ins
Why it matters: Regular communication during pregnancy helps avoid emotional distress, especially as you face physical changes, emotional highs and lows, and increased responsibilities. Check-ins are vital for ensuring both partners feel supported and for discussing any emotional or practical challenges that have come up.
How to do it: Set aside time each week to sit down with your partner. These check-ins allow you to adjust to the demands of your pregnancy, address any relationship problems, and discuss upcoming baby events like the birth plan or prenatal appointments. Having these discussions early can help avoid last-minute stress, ensuring the smooth arrival of your baby.
Tip: Weekly check-ins are a great way to maintain a healthy relationship by making sure both you and your partner are on the same page about practical support and emotional needs.
7. Embrace imperfection
Why it matters: Let’s face it—things won’t always go as planned, and that’s okay! Your baby doesn’t care if their outfit doesn’t match or if the house isn’t spotless. What matters most is the emotional connection and unwavering support that both parents provide. Letting go of perfection is crucial for your mental health and for maintaining a balanced and healthy relationship.
How to do it: If your partner isn’t doing things exactly how you would, don’t stress. What’s important is that they’re trying, even if it means they occasionally fumble a nappy change or forget a prenatal appointment. Perfection is not the goal here—love and support are.
Tip: Allow your partner the space to make mistakes and learn, which can lead to a stronger emotional connection between you both.
8. Focus on yourself
Why it matters: Pregnancy is a time when your body and emotions are going through a lot, and it’s crucial to take care of yourself. Whether it’s taking time for rest or doing something that makes you feel good, focusing on your well-being helps you manage the stresses of pregnancy and ensures you’re in a good headspace to support your baby.
How to do it: Carve out time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. Take a walk, do some gentle exercise, or indulge in a hobby that makes you happy. Practicing self-care during pregnancy can help alleviate stress and give you the emotional resilience you need to deal with any relationship problems or pregnancy symptoms.
Tip: Self-care isn’t selfish. Taking care of your emotional and physical well-being is essential for a healthy pregnancy and a strong emotional connection with your partner.
9. Consider professional help
Why it matters: If you’ve tried everything and your relationship still feels strained, consider reaching out for professional help. Sometimes, counselling is the best option for addressing deeper relationship issues, and it can provide you with the tools to navigate this challenging time.
How to do it: Couples therapy or individual counselling can offer a neutral space to discuss your concerns. If your partner is struggling with their role, therapy can help them gain a different perspective on how to provide the emotional and practical support you need during your pregnancy.
Tip: Seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re committed to building a supportive and healthy relationship for the benefit of your growing family.
FAQs on how to deal with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy
Q: My partner doesn’t seem interested in my pregnancy. What’s wrong?
A: Your partner might be feeling overwhelmed or unsure of their role. Open communication can help them understand how their emotional distance affects you and your mental health.
Q: My partner and I have argued non-stop since I became pregnant. What can I do?
A: Pregnancy brings a lot of emotional changes, both for you and your partner. Regular check-ins, coupled with open communication, can help ease the tension. If arguments continue, consider relationship classes or counselling to work through the issues together.
Q: Why doesn’t my partner seem excited about the baby?
A: Some partners struggle to bond with the unborn child because they don’t experience the physical changes. The initial shock of becoming a parent can also make them feel disconnected. Bringing them along to prenatal appointments and antenatal classes can help them feel more involved.
Q: My partner is acting distant during my pregnancy. Is this normal?
A: It’s common for partners to feel unsure or overwhelmed, especially during a first pregnancy. Sometimes, they may withdraw as a coping mechanism. Creating space for open conversations can help them feel more connected and supportive.
Q: How should my husband behave during pregnancy?
A: Your husband should be emotionally supportive, provide practical help, and pay close attention to your needs. Simple things like attending prenatal appointments, helping with household chores, or providing emotional reassurance go a long way in showing unwavering support.
Q: Is it normal to fight with your partner during pregnancy?
A: Yes, pregnancy puts pressure on relationships, often because of hormonal changes, stress, and new responsibilities. It’s important to maintain open communication and schedule regular check-ins to prevent these fights from escalating into more significant relationship problems.
Q: How can I cope with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy?
A: If you’re dealing with an unsupportive or selfish husband, lean on your support network and consider setting up couples’ counselling. Assertiveness in asking for what you need and setting boundaries is crucial. Focus on your well-being and don’t hesitate to ask for practical support from family and friends.
Q: Can stress during pregnancy affect my baby?
A: Yes, prolonged stress can impact both your baby’s development and your overall pregnancy health. It’s essential to find ways to reduce stress, whether through self-care, open communication with your partner, or seeking professional help.
Make sure to check out Motherhood Diaries’ resources on navigating pregnancy for more advice on how to get through this wild and wonderful journey with as much support as possible.
*Collaborative feature post*
