Parenting adopted teenagers
Parenting a child is a full-time job and so prospective adoptive parents and their adoptive families must understand their reasons for the adoption of a child at any age. And adolescents and teenagers, although we usually think of them as independent individuals, need lots of attention, too, especially when they’re in the beginning stages of forming new familial bonds.
Below is some advice on parenting adopted teenagers.
Reasons to adopt a teenager
Teens want to feel as if they are part of a family and they will be old enough to understand what that means, rather than younger children who may not always know what’s going on around them. Teens are also old enough to tell you what they’re thinking and feeling, and can also appreciate the smaller things in life, like family dinners and one-to-one attention between mum and teen.
Teenage adoption statistics
AdoptUSkids.org stated that in 2019, over 20,000 young people left foster care without a family and Home for Good found that 39% of children in care are aged 10-15 years and 23% are aged 16 years and over.
Adopted teens need family time
In fact, there’s evidence to show that “family time,” which doesn’t have to be active engagement, but can just include basic activities for teens, might be more important for the teenager years than for younger children. Researchers at the University of Toronto have found that the time kids spend with their parents between the ages of 3 and 11 doesn’t seem to change the likelihood of undesirable outcomes, like drug and alcohol abuse, as well as lower academic performance.
But once children hit 12, just sharing the same room with a child can have a major impact on their emotional and social development. So make sure you know what is required of you to parent a teenager. Can you spend some real time doing a teen-approved activity with them to help them stay on the right path? Can you give your teenager things to do that will keep them motivated and happy?
Build a strong stable environment
Structure is key here. Many older adopted children in their teen years have experienced trauma in their lives. For most, life without a stable, consistent home has been a tenuous affair, and the concept of family can become synonymous with impermanence. It can be just as difficult for teens to adjust to the idea that your home will be permanent because these adopted teenage problems can often cloud logic and understanding.
It’s important to be reliable and have a steady presence around on which they can structure their own lives. Parenting a teen means making plans and sticking to them.
Understand their adolescent to teenage development
For adopted children in their teenage years, brain development might be different because of a previous trauma. Find more information over at Child Welfare Information Gateway here: Understanding Adolescent Development.
Learn about your teen’s history
You’re building a new life with your teen, but don’t hastily discard every element of their previous living situation. If snacks/lunch was always served at 1 pm in their foster home, and they relied on that regularity, maybe you can eat at 1 pm, too.
As a more general point, learn everything you can before adopting teenagers because waiting infants don’t really have a history yet, but adolescents and teens may have spent years in foster care or other institutions, so they will come with teenage challenges. Find out early what medical and psychological issues a waiting teen will need to deal with and then consider whether you can afford to meet those physical and mental health needs.
Adopted teens are still teenagers, undergoing drastic physical and psychological changes. There’s a corollary process of self-definition, or identity formation going on, which can be more difficult for adopted teens. Adoption asks teenagers to define their own place within a family, while the traditional trajectory of growing up and strong biological and social signals, tell them to distance themselves.
Keep communication lines open
Support and communication are crucial throughout this period when teens are experimenting with various lifestyles and asking, “who am I?”, a question that can be even more difficult to answer if you have two families. Raising a teenager should include being open to questions about a child’s biological parents and help them explore their cultural and ethnic traditions where you can.
If your teen expresses a desire to communicate with or seek their birth parents and/or any birth family members, don’t stand in the way of that desire. It’s not “us vs. them.” Adoptions from The Heart are strong advocates of open teen adoption, and they’ve seen hundreds of families strengthened through communication and mutual understanding.
Offer financial support when they go out into the world
Your teen will grow up and want to stand on their own feet, whether that be education or work, so it’s important you provide them with a pedestal from which to jump with confidence. There are many ways to give financial support to your teen. One way is to take out a low-rate private parent loan or to cosign on a student loan with your child. This will help them get a lower interest rate on their loan, and you’re both responsible for the debt if they can’t make payments.
Another option is to set up a savings account, which allows you to save money for them separate from your own account. Whatever option you choose, it’s important to have a nest egg on hand should they need it in an emergency.
Offer logistical support whenever they need it.
There will come a time when your teen will want to flee the adopted nest too. Support them logistically by creating a budget and then figuring out how much money you will need each month to cover expenses, including tuition, preparing for an interview, room and board, and supplies. Next, establish a system for transferring money between your accounts. You can either have them set up a bank account in their name and transfer money electronically, or you can mail them a cheque each month.
Help them find an affordable place to live that is close to home. You should also discuss with them who will be responsible for bills like rent, electricity, and water. Set a clear set of expectations for your roles and responsibilities and theirs too. Providing this kind of support is paramount to ensuring your teen becomes a well-rounded and healthy adult, ready to face the world, even with a difficult history. Safety and security is key for adopted teens, especially.
When considering adoption for teens, it’s important to put in a lot of homework. What do you know about raising a teenager and how will you help them settle into your new family? How can you put their mental health and wellbeing first, as well as consider their personal history so you can accommodate any issues they may face? Making sure you have their best interests at heart will ensure that you can enjoy a happy and healthy parent/teen relationship in the future.
FAQ
What is the process to adopt a teenager internationally?
“[Adopting a teenager internationally] generally takes 1 to 5 years to complete an intercountry adoption. The length and predictability of the process depend on the country, the adoption service provider, and the individual child involved.”
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/factsheets_families_intercountry.pdf
How do I go about adopting a teenager in Texas?
“In Texas, a prospective adoptive parent can be either single or married, and must:
1. Be at least 21 years old.
2. Be financially stable.
3. Complete an application to adopt.
4. Share background and lifestyle information.
5. Provide references.
6. Provide proof of marriage and/or divorce (if applicable)
7. Have a completed home study.”
https://www.adoptionanswersinc.com/adoption-information/adoption-process-in-texas
What is the cost to adopt a teenager?
The cost is generally around £10,000 to £15,000 to adopt, but additional charges also apply in international/intercountry adoption, as well as travel and accommodation costs.
What does it feel like to be adopted in your teens?
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Do orphan teenagers get adopted?
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Why do fertile people adopt children?
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Why do so few African/American children get adopted?
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Can a 16 year old live alone in the US and enroll in high school without a guardian or parents?
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Do orphans have to move out of the orphanage immediately after they turn 18?
“Children usually “age out” of foster care when they turn 18 years old, the age of emancipation in most states.”
https://www.findlaw.com/family/foster-care/aging-out-of-foster-care.html
Are people still adopted into Native American Tribes?
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Which celebrities or public figures have been adopted?
Some famous people who have been adopted are:
- Marilyn Monroe
- Jamie Foxx
- Ray Liotta
- Jack Nicholson
- John Lennon
- Jeff Bezos
- Bill Clinton
- Steve Jobs
- Nelson Mandela
Which countries have the most orphans in need of adoption?
“Asia holds the largest number of orphaned children, at 71 million – India alone is home to 31 million orphans. This is followed by Africa, which harbors 59 million. 3. Each day, 39,000 children are forced from their homes alone because of the death of a parent, family illness or abuse and abandonment.”
https://borgenproject.org/status-orphans-developing-countries/
Is it possible for a non-American citizen to adopt an American child?
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What is the name of a person who takes care of orphans?
They can be called a caregiver, child caregiver nurse, a foster carer or a foster parent.
Should disabled people be allowed to adopt children?
Having a disability should not stop you from wanting to adopt a child, as long as you can meet the needs of the children waiting to be adopted.
Why do most foster children run away from their foster homes?
There may be several reasons, some include, isolation, loneliness, abuse and neglect.
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