Why inner child healing matters for mums
Discover how healing your inner child can help you become the best parent you can be, break generational patterns, and enhance emotional balance for your entire family.
We all carry stories from our childhood, some joyful, others painful. For many mums, these emotional wounds from the past don’t just affect us; they influence how we parent our children. These wounds can manifest as mum guilt, difficulty staying calm during tantrums, anxiety about “getting it right,” or struggling to set healthy boundaries with our little ones. Often, they trace back to unmet needs during our own early development.
That’s where reparenting comes in. Reparenting is giving yourself the care, support, and guidance you may not have received as a child—so you can break generational cycles and parent from a place of healing. It’s a powerful act of self-love, a vital step toward lasting emotional wellness and becoming the mother you want to be. In this article, we’ll explore what reparenting is, why it’s so important for mothers, and how to start this healing journey while raising your children.
What does it mean to re-parent yourself as a mother?
Re-parenting yourself means becoming the nurturing, supportive, and protective figure your younger self needed, while simultaneously nurturing your own children. Instead of unconsciously passing on old patterns, you step in and offer yourself:
- Emotional validation
- Safety and stability
- Boundaries and discipline
- Unconditional love and compassion
You’re essentially healing your inner child, which is that part of you still holding onto pain, fear, or unmet emotional needs from the past, so you can parent your children from a place of wholeness rather than wounding.
Why re-parenting is vital for mothers’ mental health
1. It heals unmet childhood needs (so you don’t project them)
Many mums never learned how to self-soothe, trust themselves, or speak up for their needs. When your toddler has a meltdown, your own inner child might feel triggered. Re-parenting fills those gaps.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, early childhood adversity increases the risk for mental health disorders, including depression and anxiety, later in life, and can affect parenting styles.
Re-parenting helps rewrite those internal narratives: “I’m not a good enough mum,” “I don’t matter compared to my kids,” or “My feelings are too much.”
2. It builds emotional regulation (for you and your children)
When we weren’t taught how to manage emotions healthily, we may find ourselves yelling at our kids or feeling overwhelmed by their big feelings. Through re-parenting, mothers learn how to:
- Recognise and name emotions (yours and theirs)
- Respond instead of reacting during challenging parenting moments
- Self-soothe during stressful times (like bedtime battles or public tantrums)
These skills become the foundation you model for your children.
3. It strengthens your identity beyond “Mum”
If you didn’t receive affirmation or encouragement growing up, your self-worth may depend entirely on being the “perfect mother.” Re-parenting teaches you how to speak kindly to yourself, celebrate your efforts, and affirm your value, both as a mother AND as an individual.
4. It creates healthier family dynamics
Unhealed childhood wounds often play out in how we parent. You may become overprotective, struggle with consistency, or find yourself repeating phrases your parents said. Re-parenting helps you:
- Set and honour boundaries with your children (and extended family)
- Communicate needs clearly to your partner
- Build trust in yourself as a capable parent
When you learn to meet your own emotional needs, you stop expecting your children or partner to fill emotional voids.
Signs you may need re-parenting as a mother
- You struggle with mum guilt or feel you’re “never doing enough”
- You often criticise or shame yourself about your parenting
- You seek validation from other mums or social media
- You fear “messing up” your kids
- You feel emotionally triggered by your children’s behaviour
- You notice yourself repeating patterns from your own childhood
These signs suggest that part of your emotional development may need gentle attention and support for both your sake and your children’s.
How to begin re-parenting yourself while parenting
Re-parenting is a daily practice that can happen alongside raising your children. It’s not about blaming your parents—it’s about taking responsibility for breaking cycles today.
Here are simple steps to start:
1. Connect with your inner child (during quiet moments)
During naptime or after bedtime, visualise yourself as a child. What did you look like? What were you feeling? What were you missing?
Spend time “with” this version of yourself. You can write letters to them, draw pictures, or talk to them gently in your mind.
Example: “I see you. I know you’re scared. I’m here now, and I’ll protect you, just like I protect my baby.”
2. Journal about your needs (not just your kids’)
Ask yourself:
- What do I need today as a person, not just as a mum?
- What would help me feel safe and supported?
- What am I feeling, and why?
Writing helps you become more aware of your emotional world, which enables you to stay regulated when your children need you.
3. Create and respect boundaries (with kids and family)
Boundaries are a key part of re-parenting and healthy parenting. They help you feel safe and respected, and teach your children the same.
Start by saying no to what drains you (like unnecessary playdates) and yes to what nourishes you (like that morning coffee in peace). Remember: setting limits teaches your children self-respect by example.
4. Practice gentle self-talk (especially on hard days)
If your inner voice is harsh or critical about your parenting, it’s time to re-parent that voice. Begin speaking to yourself like you would to a fellow mom who’s trying her best.
Replace “I’m such a terrible mother” with:
“I’m learning, and that’s okay.”u
“I made a mistake, but I’m still a good mm.”
5. Prioritise consistent self-care (yes, even with little ones)
Re-parenting involves creating a routine that includes rest, nutrition, movement, and play, even in 5-minute increments. It teaches your inner child: “You matter enough to be cared for,” while modelling self-care for your children.
A study in BMC Psychiatry (2020) found that adults with consistent self-care practices had lower levels of anxiety and depression.
Even small acts, such as drinking water or stepping outside for fresh air, build trust in yourself.
6. Try creative expression (with or without your kids)
Drawing, painting, dancing, or singing can help you reconnect with your inner child. Do it alongside your children for double healing – they play, you heal.
You don’t need to be “good” at it – just present.
7. Consider therapy or support groups
Working with a therapist, especially one trained in maternal mental health, inner child work, IFS (Internal Family Systems), or trauma-informed care, can help you explore deeper emotional wounds while navigating motherhood. Many therapists offer virtual sessions, which are perfect for busy moms.
Real-life example: Jasmine’s story
Jasmine, 35, mother of two, spent her life chasing perfection, especially in her parenting. She feared failure and constantly compared herself to other mums. Through therapy, she realised her inner child never felt accepted unless she was achieving something.
She began journaling to her younger self during naptime, practising affirmations, and accepting that “good enough” parenting was actually great parenting.
“I used to think love had to be earned for me and from my kids,” Jasmine said. “Now I know I can give it to myself, and that makes me a calmer, more present mother.”
Final thoughts
Re-parenting yourself as a mother is one of the most healing and empowering journeys you can take for you AND your children. It helps you feel grounded, worthy, and emotionally whole, which naturally flows into your parenting.
You become the safe space you always needed and the safe space your children need. You learn to care for your emotional wounds with gentleness instead of judgment, breaking cycles that may have existed for generations.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the past; it means giving yourself what was missing and creating a more compassionate future for your entire family.
“You can’t go back and change your childhood, but you can create the care and love you always deserve – and pass that healing on to your children, starting now.”
References
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2021). Effects of Complex Trauma. https://www.nctsn.org
- Keles, B., McCrae, N., & Grealish, A. (2020). The impact of self-care on mental health in adults: A review. BMC Psychiatry, 20(1), 1–14.
*Collaborative feature post*
