How to deal with a break-up during a pregnancy

A breakup can be messy, stressful and heartbreaking under any circumstances, but when you break-up during a pregnancy, your feelings are amplified. In this article, we discuss how to deal with a split when you’re pregnant.

Cry it out

First things first – let it all out. Cry those ugly tears until your eyes are puffy and red. Don’t hold back; this is the time to let yourself feel all the emotions—grief, anxiety, feelings of loneliness, and even that broken heart. It’s a form of emotional release that’s vital for your mental health, especially now. The mix of pregnancy hormones and the stress hormone, cortisol, can amplify your feelings, making this breakup even more challenging. 

Ending a relationship is just like grieving a loss, so you must give it the time it needs to grieve through all the relationship issues you had before you can work on letting it go and moving on.

Consider journaling as a way to process these emotions. Writing in a journal can serve as a tangible way to work through denial and move toward acceptance, offering a private space to confront and understand your feelings.

And if anyone asks why you’re crying, just blame it on the hormones!

How to deal with a breakup while pregnant – Treat yourself

Now that you’ve had a good cry, it’s time to treat yourself like the queen you are! Work out what makes you feel good, like indulging in some retail therapy if you can. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself is fair game.

Find some gift ideas for mums here!

How to get over a breakup while pregnant – Lean on friends and family

When the breakup first happens, feelings of loneliness and overwhelming anxiety may consume you. It’s crucial to seek social support from close friends who feel like family, a single mom who understands your plight, or even a support group for pregnant women going through similar experiences. This support network not only offers a shelter from your storm of emotions but also helps in dealing with the guilt and lack of support you might feel, reminding you that nobody has to face this alone.

As well as being a shoulder to cry on, your support network may help you with finding somewhere to live and coming with you to appointments during your pregnancy if your former partner is not involved. In these moments, gender roles and expectations can further complicate your feelings, so it’s essential to surround yourself with a support system that understands and respects your unique experience. 

At this stage, you may also want to consider contacting a solicitor who will help you figure out your rights in regards to financial child support from your ex. More on that below.

How to handle break up during pregnancy – Consider getting legal advice

If your marriage has ended, it may seem a whole other stress to find solicitors for divorce, but it’s important you have as much emotional and legal support as possible behind you during this time, especially if you’re pregnant. 

Ways to deal with breaking up during pregnancy – Consider seeking financial support

During the breakup, it’s likely you will have concerns about money. Ending a toxic relationship while pregnant can be messy, but when children are involved, it can get expensive. You may also have a reduced income because of maternity leave, so it’s understandable you’re panicking about the idea of raising a child on a single income.

First, determine if and how much child support you will receive each month from your child’s parent. Next, work out what your earnings will be during the pregnancy and beyond (i.e. will you need to reduce your working hours to look after the baby?)

Finally, speak to your local authority to find out what benefits you may be entitled to. As a single parent, you may be entitled to financial help, which may include Universal Credit, child benefit, council tax reduction, and up to 30 hours of free childcare to help you juggle a baby and work.

Working out how much money you can expect to receive during your pregnancy and after your child is born can really help to reduce any financial fears.

How to deal with a breakup during pregnancy – Slow down and don’t make rash decisions

Relationships when pregnant are difficult as it is, but when you have a break-up, it’s hard to see the wood from the trees. But making big decisions when you’re highly emotional may cause regret later. Save making any life-changing decisions until you have allowed yourself the space and time to grieve and come out the other side.

This also means you should avoid starting a new relationship during your pregnancy as this is often a knee jerk reaction to the thought of coping with a new baby on your own.

How to get over a breakup while pregnant – Establish next steps with your ex

Think about how much – if at all – your former partner is going to be involved with your child. As upsetting as it may be, you will need to speak to your ex and have an honest discussion about what his role will be once the child arrives.

Making arrangements at an early stage between participants to this unborn child can help you avoid stressful conversations and confrontations during a time when you should be enjoying your new baby. If communication between you is difficult, then consider having a friend or family member present to help mediate the conversation.

Avoid negative self-talk

Blaming yourself for the situation you’re in will not help you put in place what you need to function with a baby on your own. Remind yourself every day that it takes two people in a relationship and two parents. Again, draw on support to help you get through each day and find positive affirmations that you can repeat to yourself, so you start to believe that you are a good person!

What to do when you break up while pregnant – Manage your stress safely

In normal circumstances, you may cope with a breakup by having the odd glass of wine, playing sports or taking a trip, but these things rarely go well with a pregnancy. 

Managing stress in a healthy way during pregnancy is paramount. Consider speaking to your medical care provider about safe practices for reducing cortisol levels and enhancing your mood. They may recommend light exercises like yoga, which has been shown to help with mood swings and appetite control, potentially mitigating the physical symptoms often associated with stress and anxiety.

Pregnant and breaking up – Focus on your baby-to-be

Directing your attention to the life burgeoning within can be a profound source of strength. Embrace motherhood by imagining the future, building a bond even before birth. This focus can positively impact your immune system and counteract the stress hormone, cortisol, ensuring a healthier environment for both you and your baby. Activities like yoga can be a healthy way to manage stress and promote both physical and mental well-being during this time. 

Take some time each day to talk or sing to your little one or start planning for their arrival (like picking out nursery colours). Knowing that you have something positive coming into your life can help ease the pain and also strive to help you move on.

Breaking up when pregnant – Don’t cut contact with your ex completely

Once you’ve sorted out the practicalities of your pregnancy and your baby, you will need to look toward the future for yourself and your child. This will almost certainly involve rethinking your priorities and putting your relationship with your child’s other parent into a new perspective.

If the breakup is still raw, it’s a good idea to minimise contact with your ex, although you will, of course, need to keep lines of communication open in terms of your shared child.

Dealing with a breakup during pregnancy? Stay positive about dating again in the future

A break-up during a pregnancy can also feel like an end of an era. But it can also lead to new beginnings. Don’t rule out relationships altogether. Instead, take your time to heal and focus on your mental health and your baby. If the situation presents itself to meet someone new, go in with an open mind and you may build just as good, if not a better, emotional connection with them. Love may just be on the menu again!

Going through a breakup during pregnancy? Consider therapy

If the waves of anxiety, symptoms of depression, or persistent feelings of sadness and rejection seem insurmountable, maybe even to the point of thinking about suicide, consider therapy.

Mental health problems like major depression, history of depression, or even the onset of symptoms triggered by relationship breakup and pregnancy loss / miscarriage require professional care. A therapist can provide cognitive strategies to manage your emotional and physical responses healthily, possibly including discussions on antidepressants if they’re deemed safe during pregnancy.

Dealing with a break-up during a pregnancy – how to move forward from a breakup while pregnant

While splitting up rarely comes at a good time, a break-up during a pregnancy is probably one of the most painful and stressful. During this time, it’s incredibly important to practice self-care, as stress is harmful to both you and your baby. Leaning on friends and family is helpful, but never be afraid to seek professional help if you feel that you’re not coping as well as you should. Give yourself time to get back to a place where you feel stronger, both mentally and physically.

Remember, dealing with a breakup while pregnant is difficult, but you’re not alone in this and there is a bright future ahead of you and your little one.

FAQ

What rights do I have if my husband and I are breaking up while pregnant with second child?

Other questions asked were:

• I’m pregnant and broke up with the father. What rights do I have?
• Pregnant and married but husband wants to leave. What rights do I have?

I’m not a divorce lawyer, but if you and your husband are breaking up while you’re pregnant with your second child, there are several rights and considerations of which you need to be aware. The first step is to consult with a legal professional who can advise you on the specific laws and regulations in your jurisdiction. However, here are a few general points to consider:

1. Custody and visitation rights: You may have the right to seek custody of your children, including the unborn child, and establish visitation rights for the noncustodial parent. The laws regarding custody and visitation can vary, so it’s crucial to consult with a family lawyer who can guide you through the process.
2. Child support: Both parents have a legal obligation to provide financial support for their children. You may be entitled to seek child support from your husband to assist with the expenses related to raising your children.
3. Property division: Depending on your jurisdiction’s laws, you may have rights to the division of marital property and assets acquired during the marriage. This could include assets like the family home, vehicles, and other shared possessions.
4. Legal representation: It’s advisable to consult with a family lawyer who can provide guidance on your specific situation, ensure your rights are protected, and help you navigate the legal processes involved in divorce or separation.

I’m pregnant and want to break up with my boyfriend. How do I go about doing this without causing problems for my unborn child. I’ve received a lot of stress and heartbreak during pregnancy and I don’t think it’s fair on my kids.

Other questions asked were:

• How to break up while pregnant?
• Reasons to end a relationship during pregnancy?

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time. Leaving a relationship while pregnant may feel like a huge leap into the unknown, but it’s important to prioritise your well-being and the well-being of your unborn child.

1. Make sure you seek support and have someone you can lean on during this difficult time.
2. When you’re ready to have the conversation with your boyfriend, try to approach it with a calm and respectful attitude. Clearly express your feelings, concerns, and reasons for wanting to end the relationship. Effective communication can help minimise misunderstandings and conflicts.
3. If you expect the breakup might be challenging or contentious, consider involving a professional mediator or therapist to facilitate the discussions and help both parties reach a resolution. Mediation can help find common ground and reduce tension during the separation process.
4. Discuss your expectations and plans for co-parenting after the breakup. Openly communicate your desires for involvement in your child’s life and try to work together to establish a parenting plan that focuses on the best interests of the child.
5. To fully understand your rights and legal options, it’s advisable to consult with a family lawyer. They can provide you with guidance specific to your jurisdiction and help you navigate the legal aspects related to child custody, visitation rights, and child support.

My husband and I are breaking up while pregnant and living together. How can I get him to stay?

Other questions asked were:

• How to prevent relationship breakdown during pregnancy?

I cannot provide relationship advice or guarantee specific outcomes. However, I can offer some general suggestions for communication and fostering a positive environment during this challenging time:

1. Share your feelings and concerns with your husband openly and honestly. Explain your desire for him to stay and the reasons behind it. Express your willingness to work on the issues and find solutions together.
2. Consider couples counseling or therapy to encourage communication and work through the challenges. A trained professional can help both of you explore your feelings, improve communication, and resolve conflicts.
3. Identify shared goals/values that can help you both work towards maintaining a stable and supportive environment for your unborn child. Focus on what you can agree on and how you can cooperate as parents.
4. If communication becomes difficult or emotions run high, you might consider hiring a mediator, counselor, or family member who can act as a neutral third party. They can help facilitate conversations and find solutions that are in the best interests of everyone involved.
5. Changing circumstances and emotions during pregnancy can be challenging for both you and your husband. It’s important to give each other space, be patient, and understand that resolving complex issues takes time. Avoid making impulsive decisions and try to approach the situation with empathy and compassion.

I’m having a nervous breakdown during pregnancy due to a failed marriage. Will I harm the baby with all this stress?

Other questions asked were:

• Can heartbreak affect pregnancy?
• Tips to cope with a relationship breakdown during pregnancy?

It’s natural to worry about the impact of stress on your pregnancy, particularly when facing the emotional turmoil of a breakup. The connection between stress and physical responses in pregnancy, including risks like preterm birth, is well-documented. Seeking immediate support from healthcare professionals is critical—they can assess your situation and may recommend strategies to manage stress, like mindfulness or cognitive-behavioral therapy, which has shown effectiveness in reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Remember, managing your stress is not just for your well-being but also for the healthy development of your baby.

Pregnancy can be a stressful time, and it’s understandable that going through a failed marriage can exacerbate those feelings. It’s important to prioritise your emotional well-being, as it can indirectly impact your baby’s well-being. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Reach out to your healthcare provider and inform them about your current emotional state. They can provide guidance and support, and may refer you to a mental health professional who specialises in perinatal mental health.
2. Consider seeing a therapist or counsellor who can provide you with the support and coping strategies to navigate through this challenging time. They can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and provide an outlet for you to express your emotions.
3. Prioritise self-care activities that help you relax and reduce stress. This could include activities such as taking walks, practicing relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, or seeking activities that promote emotional well-being.
4. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide you with emotional support during this time. Surrounding yourself with understanding and caring individuals can help ease some of the stress and provide a source of comfort.
5. If you’re comfortable doing so, communicate your feelings and needs to your healthcare provider, as well as to your loved ones. Let them know you’re going through a difficult time and may need additional support and understanding during your pregnancy.

Is it normal to break up during pregnancy?

Other questions asked were:

• What causes break up during pregnancy?
• Why couples break up during pregnancy?
• Why do couples break up during pregnancy?
• Why do relationships fail during pregnancy?
• Is it normal for couples to break up during pregnancy?
• Do couples break up during pregnancy?
• Why do relationships fall apart during pregnancy?

Yes, it is not uncommon for couples to experience relationship challenges or break up during pregnancy. Pregnancy can be a time of significant emotional and physical changes, and it can put strain on relationships. Couples may find that the added stress, financial concerns, or shifts in priorities lead to difficulties in their relationship.

Every relationship is unique, and the reasons for a breakup can vary. It is important to remember that relationships can be complex, and the decision to break up or stay together during pregnancy depends on the specific circumstances and dynamics involved.

If you go through a breakup during pregnancy, it is essential to prioritise your emotional well-being and seek support from healthcare professionals, therapists, or support groups. They can provide guidance and help you navigate this challenging time.

Remember, you are not alone, and seeking support from loved ones, professionals, or support networks can be beneficial in helping you cope with the emotional challenges that come with a break-up during a pregnancy.

Why do I have thoughts of breaking up even though I’m happy with our relationship? Could it be my depression and intrusive thoughts or should I look more into it?

While I’m not a medical professional, it’s not uncommon to experience intrusive thoughts or doubts about relationships, even if you are happy. These thoughts can stem from the negative thought patterns and distorted perceptions that often accompany depression.

If you’re experiencing thoughts of breaking up, it’s helpful to explore these feelings further. Consider the following steps:

1. Take some time to reflect on your thoughts and emotions. Are these thoughts persistent or occasional? Do they arise in specific situations or triggers? Understanding the patterns and context of these thoughts can provide insight into their origins.
2. Consult with a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, who can help you navigate your thoughts and emotions. They can provide an objective perspective and help you explore the underlying causes of your intrusive thoughts.
3. Share your thoughts and concerns with your partner. They may offer support and reassurance, and together you can explore ways to strengthen your relationship. Honest and open communication can help foster understanding and connection.
4. Engage in activities that promote self-care and mental well-being. This can include exercise, relaxation techniques, pursuing hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Taking care of your own emotional health is essential, regardless of the state of your relationship.
5. Pay attention to your overall mental health and well-being. If you notice that your depression symptoms are intensifying or impacting your daily functioning, it’s important to seek professional help promptly. A mental health professional can provide support and treatment options.

*Collaborative feature post*